"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

Browsing the classifieds
7:33 p.m. on 2005-02-01

So...

I hate my job. I really really do. I don't get paid enough for what I'm doing, for a start. Not that that's uncommon. Plenty of people I know have to put up with far more shit than I do for less money, whether it's Kat as a nurse, or Mae as a policewoman. Trouble is... I have respect for their jobs. I have zip all for mine.

The workload fluctuates, to say the least. One day I can be juggling my inbox just to appear as though I'm doing something, and on others I can feel like there are hot pokers under my feet. Now I don't like having nothing to do (at work anyway - at home it's a different story), but the nature of our office is such that it's near impossible to take on anyone else's job.

I also don't like having my ability to do my job rest on the shoulders of others. I'm stuck behind a rock and a hard place, between the people who have given me a thing to do (usually on the last minute, and missing half the information) and the people who want to hold up that thing for their own perverse needs.

I hate having to negotiate office politics just to be able to do my job. I hate that the structure of the office and the department are both constantly throwing up new ways to make things difficult, and yet at the same time we're being told by the Powers That Be how wonderful centralisation is, and how we're actually doing less work than we were when there were three times as many people employed.

I hate that the people in my office are bitches.

I've met plenty of people with whom I have little in common, and for a while I was putting my lack of conversation with the other girls in my office as down to that. But it's not just that. I can fake small talk. But I don't like backstabbing. I don't like snide little comments and sniggers and hand gestures when other people aren't looking. I don't like it when people decide others are worthless simply because of their own, twisted need to feel good about themselves.

I don't like having to listen to it, and I don't like knowing that as soon as I leave the room, they'll be saying exactly the same type of thing about me.

High school was a bitch, but at least then the popular bitches just ignored me. Back then my friends and I were invisible. Now I'm a target, along with everybody else.

So I'm looking for another job. Not entirely sure where, but a quick glance at the papers shows that at the very least, I could be earning more money doing the same, or less work. Certainly less strange.

But it's sad. I really wanted to work where I am now. I was prepared to do a shitty job if it meant it got me where I want to be. And if it was just my office that led to my feelings of hatred I could maybe put up with it, at least for a little while, until I got to where I want to be. But being there, in that environment, it doesn't help me in the slightest. And worse, I'm not even sure I want to keep going to that place. Part of my job involves speaking to other people, from other departments. I've seen them in the corridors, in the lifts.

It's all fake. People are snappish, and selfish, and stressed. Oh, and frequently on drugs, but then I knew that already.

I never thought it was going to be a magical wonderland. It was going to be hard work, long hours, crap pay. But there was going to be a sense of satisfaction at the end of it.

I'm just not sure anybody in the company ever gets that. Except perhaps for the PTB, as they pick up their six figure pay packets.

Listening to: Hayseed Dixie "Walk With Me"

Quote:
Alice: "For your information, I'm looking for the same qualities in a man as I am in a woman."
Dana: "Big tits."

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