"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

Wedding-age
1:21 p.m. on 2005-09-05

It was my friend's wedding on Saturday.

It was rather surreal, and not simply because I've known her since we were six or seven years old, painting sunflowers with our fingers and drinking milk straight from the bottle.

A bit of background: when I was about thirteen or fourteen, I rebelled against my parents by... going church. Actually, my biggest reason for going was because one of my closest friends at the time was also a member, and it seemed like the best way to stay in touch.

I'm not going to say I threw myself into the church lifestyle but, for a while there, I think I did believe. Although I digress; for a while I did the clubs, I sang the songs, and I was part of a close knit community that formed the younger generation of church goers.

After a few years I... lapsed, faith wise, but my friend continued to participate and as a result the wedding on Saturday was, at times, an intimate and extremely personal affair. In a way I was almost jealous; she had a wedding filled with not simply friends and family, but also those with whom she has shared her faith. The minister played landlord to the groom for several months, and was able to design his sermon around their personalities. Several friends stood up and recited specially written prayers.

I felt somewhat like an outsider. Not that the rest of the congregation weren't friendly, but it was rather... odd, being an outsider, witnessing something I had once been a part of, and given up.

Quite aside from the fact that there were a LOT of songs involved in the wedding, 'happy-clappy' songs, as my stepsister calls them. Which, whilst wanted by the bride, left me feeling rather awkward: not knowing the tune and feeling somewhat hypocritical if I'd followed the lyrics, I settled for burying my gaze in the service sheet and hoping nobody noticed my silence.

Anyway... the rest of the wedding was pretty good, the usual affair: photos, meals, speeches, cheesy disco, overpriced drinks. I now have to get used to calling another one of my friends something other than the surname I've been used to for so many years, and I've got several bags of those sugary almonds that represent life, fertility, etc.

This week features... another job interview... and that's about it. But this time next week I'll be in Amsterdam with two of the girls (woo!) so I'm looking forward to that. It also means I'll have something else to think about other than the job... or the thought of another of my friends growing up before I'm entirely ready for them to.

Listening to: Cyndi Lauper "Heaven is a Place on Earth"

Quote: "Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent."

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