"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

Warning - I'm about to waffle. About slash. Run!
8:23 p.m. on 2004-01-07

I'm a writer. I always have been, I always will be. Whether I'm able to make money at it, well, that's to be found out. But... yeah. I write, and I read other people's writings. And amongst other things, I like to read and write fanfic.

Various things, really. I've written copious amounts of Due South fic. One or two Buffy/Angel fics. A couple of SG1 fics and even a Faculty fic is in the process...

I like writing what is known as 'Missing Scene' fanfic. This generally takes an episode and fills in the gaps - either writing various little short scenes which were hinted at in the episode, but were never shot, or writing an epilogue to the episode. So, for example, after watching the SG1 episode "1969" I rather felt the characters deserved some explanation as to their eventual fate, post-title sequence. So I wrote a couple of pages doing just that.

See, that's what I think good fanfic should be. To me, its a tribute to a show or movie. You watch, you love, you decide to write your own. Good fanfic should, therefore, describe the characters in ways in which I find completely believable. They should be an extension to the show itself. Fanfic is a wonderful opportunity to explore aspects of a character's personality that hasn't been explored fully on screen, whether due to time or money. But these traits should be in fitting with any established persona.

If I tuned into the X-Files one week to find Scully making out with Skinner, I'd be seriously repulsed. Not because Skinner was that unattractive (power=hormones) but because It Simply Wouldn't Happen.

Scully doesn't fancy Skinner. Skinner doesn't fancy Scully. Therefore I can't be expected, as an audience member, to believe in a scene which features the two characters snogging.

Equally, imagine if, in SG1, Daniel saved his teammates from a nasty alien but in doing so casually left an innocent man to die. Imagine if Daniel experienced no guilt or shame from having done so. As an audience, we'd be seriously peeved. Daniel is a character full of compassion who lives by a strong moral code. He just Wouldn't Do These Things. It isn't a good episode.

Hence my problem with slash fic.

In my eyes, its doomed from the start. Slash, for those of you who aren't certain of the term, is when an author takes one or more straight characters and puts them into a homosexual relationship. (aside: technically, slash also can be used to describe stories in which one or more gay characters are put into a hetrosexual relationship - but since I've never actually seen one of these, slash generally is used to describe the above.) Daniel and O'Neill is the popular SG1 pair-up. Legolas and Aragorn the not-so-obvious LOTR coupling. Bashir and O'Brien get in on in Deep Space Nine slash, and in Due South slash, Fraser gets it on with just about everybody.

The trouble is, by taking a character and changing their sexuality, you've already cocked up the idea of "good fic." I might be straight, and therefore am not unjustly discriminated against in the way that homosexuals are, but I do know that a person's sexuality plays a large part in defining who they are.

Hell, I'm a horny 21 year old! If I was a bloke, I'd be thinking about sex every 7 seconds!

Your sexuality defines who you are attracted towards. It can lead to much inner turmoil, problems with friends and family, rejection from society, need I go on?

Lets face it, if any one of us sat down right now and wrote a list of about a hundred things that defined who they were, how many of us would list "fancies...x" - be that man, woman, or list of attributes sounding rather like a lonely hearts ad.

"Wannabe writer seeks skinny guy with beautiful eyes for canoodling, geekage, foreign holidays and long talks. Must have at least one foot on the ground. Emotional retards need not apply."

Slash immediately cocks this up. To take a character and change their sexuality is not keeping the truth of a show. I do not expect that O'Neill and Daniel will ever be doing things to each other with whipped cream, and you know why? They both fancy women. O'Neill fancies Carter... and Daniel... well... Daniel fancies women with a tendancy to die.

I admit, some stories border on the slash line yet can be in keeping with the characters. Take the persona of "Lilly" from the show Popular. In various episodes, the character was seen to question her sexuality and at one point even kissed a girlfriend. Although at the end of the season, she was married, she wasn't happy and I can see someone potentially writing a fic in which Lilly realises her true unhappiness comes from her lying about who she really is. Technically this would still fall under slash, but it still manages to be in keeping with the established traits of the character.

But you team up one straight character with another straight character? You've lost me as an audience. It almost seems lazy. Writing in the same style as proffessional show writers, struggling to make characters sound and act the same as they do onscreen - its tough! I am proud of my Due South fic, but somehow I can never pin down the voice of Carter in SG1, and Daniel comes out even more annoying and whiny than he is in the show!

When a slash writer chooses to deviate from a character's established personality, they may as well be writing fiction, not fanfiction. Using the names and scenes of a show isn't going to cut it - write a piece of Xander/Angel slash and you're no longer writing about Xander and Angel, but two other people who merely share their names. They're no longer the same characters. It certainly no longer feels like an epilogue to the show.

Why am I waffling? Well... here's me being honest. There are some fanfiction writers out there who knock my socks off. There aren't many of them - 95% of fanfiction sucks ass in the same manner as Blair to Bush - but there are some real gems out there. And it's disappointing when some of those great skills go to waste hiding behind the lure of an established fanbase when what they should really be writing is their own, original fic.

That being said, I have to admit that one of the reasons I write fanfic is because it provides me with instant feedback. Slogging away at that dusty tv script might be of greater aesthetic value, but it doesn't provide that buzz of seeing a small note saying "hey! I loved this chapter! Write more!"

But I'm also a fanfic snob. I enjoy fic I can almost believe was transcribed by the original writers of a show. Slash doesn't do this. Not for me.

In other news... I have a new job. Its quite boring though. The people are lovely... but it is a little dull. It makes for crap diaryland reading anyway.

Saying that though... I can imagine you all turning off the moment you see me building for a rant...

Listening to: My Life Story's "King of Kissingdom"

Quote: "You know that 'We Come in Peace' business? Bite me."

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