"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

Seven things a HMV employee never wants to hear.
9:06 p.m. on 2003-12-12

1. "Do you work here, love?"

No. I wear this t-shirt emblazoned with the logo of the store for fun. I actually work in Pizza Hut.

2. "Do you sell Lord of the Rings/Pirates of the Caribbean/the X-Men/Will Young's new single/insert chart buster here?"

No. We're a record and dvd store, but we don't actually stock records or dvds. Not ones that people would want to buy, anyway.

3. "Do you sell this really old black and white movie that only me and three other people have seen and I only have a vague memory of an incorrect title and what its about to go on?"

No. And if you don't know what it's called, don't expect us to.

4. "Can I change this?"

Of course, a customer is within his/her rights to change an item. But not when they haven't actually left the store between buying the original item and then deciding they've found something better. Tossers.

5. "Are you busy, pet?"

No. I carry this heavy box of CDs around for fun. I'm actually training for the Olympics in my spare time and therefore am quite happy to take the time to be your personal shopper. You lazy arsed fuck.

6. "Can I take this downstairs?"

Yes. Its the same store. If the stairs lead to a mysterious magical land where fairies and goblins waged a terrible war and a dark queen ruled with an iron fist, then no, you can't take the item downstairs. But since the stairs only lead to another floor of the same shop, then yes, you can take it downstairs.

7. "Could I use the CD player to listen to this album before I buy it?"

Sure. If it was one album. When it's twenty five albums later and you decide that you didn't actually want any of them in the first place, then let me kindly plunge my fist down your throat and rip out your kidneys.

....

Still... at least working in HMV has given me the chance to go shopping. And I bought a fantastic little red dress. (well, technically it was a Xmas pressie from my mum but...)

I look hot. Rawr.

Hmm... I suspect watching ext. TTT and imagining Frodo giving me orders has gone to my head.

Quote: "Look! It's Big Gay Hal!" - Claire, upon the appearance of Haldir in TTT.

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