"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

Hypnotists and jobs
5:31 p.m. on 2005-04-14

Avery Brook's growling makes my insides quiver.

Ahem.

Anyway... am going to the next part of my Major Job Application Process for the Position I Really Really Want tomorrow. So wish me luck. Or don't, if you think it might jinx me.

Afterwards I'm heading back to the university, where I worked for the eleven months prior to my current job. I know I've said it before, but the people there were truly lovely. One of them, a girl called Lizzie, who's one of the friendliest, warmest people I've ever met, e-mailed me to tell me that she's back working for them, in a part time capacity, and I should drop round to say hi.

I do wish I had more to tell them, though. More than "Well, I've booked another holiday!". More than, "Well, I hate my job - I was an idiot to leave!"

Although I don't think that's true. I made a mistake in choosing the job I'm in now. I didn't make a mistake in leaving the university.

I just hope that in a matter of months I can put that mistake behind me, mark it down to experience and move on.

Also... a hypnotist tried his best on me at the weekend. A proper hypnotist, not Paul McKenna. It didn't work. Started out okay - relax, relax some more, listen to the pretty music, all well and good. But at a certain point it becomes apparant that I'm supposed to be in a trance-like state, and my unconscious should be making all the responses to any questions posed.

I feel bad about letting people down, and for a short while played along with it. Then when it became clear I could no longer pretend, I opened my eyes - rather to his shock, since apparantly if you're in a trance you're not supposed to be able to do this.

Turns out I don't relax very well. I always thought my problem was relaxing too much - that would explain the naps I used to indulge in during philosophy lectures. But no. Because when he's telling me to relax, to clear my mind, to imagine piers and blackboards and to listen to the sound of his voice...

I was trying, I really was. Honest. But my mind wanders easily. So I thought about the piers, and the blackboards, and listened to the sound of his voice. I also listened to the sound of birds outside, the catflap, the kids next door. I thought about what I was going to eat for lunch, and how I was going to spend my afternoon, and how much China was going to cost me, and that I should really email an old friend, and I should dust my room, and -

Oh, wait, was I supposed to be in a trance?

Yeah. Poor guy, I felt bad for him. Maybe I'll give it another go someday. It's not like I've sworn off it entirely.

I just think that next time it might be useful to get slightly drunk beforehand.

Listening to: TM Juke "Wilderness Kids"

Quote: "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

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