"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

Cat haikus
1:35 p.m. on 2004-04-21

Since there is precisely ZERO going on in my life right now, I thought I'd share you these haikus, sent to me by my wonderful dad. It's become very clear over the past few years that he and I share our unique sense of humour...

CAT HAIKUS

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat throwup hairball somewhere
Will find in morning

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can hide my head. There.

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My cries will wake dead.

Want to go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! my Human
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll go in the sink.

The Humans sleep now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Vacation's over.
Blink, Blink.
Oh... it's you.

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