"Even if I got rid of all my problems, I'd just go out and get new ones..."

A spiritualist and a Christian walk into a radio show...
8:24 a.m. on 2004-04-28

Went to the pub quiz last night, and took a taxi back. The cabbie was listening to a local radio station, and it must have been a talk show. The guest was a self-described 'spiritualist' who appeared to be advertising the abilities of a man who claims to be able to contact the spirit world.

At the point I entered, a caller had phoned up to argue with the spiritualist (SP). The caller, 'Steve,' was a Christian.

Firstly, SP was possibly the most irritating person I've ever had the unfortunate chance to hear on the radio. Smug, arrogant, and possibly quite angry, he tried to convince the listeners he was in control of the situation by yelling lots, not allowing the caller to speak, and repeating the caller's name to cover any flustering.

"So Steve, the thing is Steve, you're so obviously wrong! Steve, dah-ling, what are you thinking? You're a bright lad Steve, you're making me laugh..."

Even if the man wasn't an insufferable fool, Steve more than made up for it. "This spiritualist is a fraudster, he's just taking your money, the spirit world isn't real, there's no proof, it's all a big sham!"

"Ah, but Steve, is it? I've seen it with my own eyes Steve, hundreds of thousands of people Steve, hundreds of thousands, have experienced it!"

"And so have Christians -"

"Religion has done more bad than good Steve. Come on, Steve, look at it fifty fifty, and you're bound to see that religion is mostly bad!"

(um, SP, that sentence failed to make even grammatical sense)

I'd like to say that at this point the pair argued the individual merits of their own beliefs, but I'd be giving them too much credit. Actually, they spent their time pointing out why the other was wrong, and both using exactly the same arguments. "My belief has affected thousands of people," "Your belief cannot be proved," "Your belief is a sham"...

It's easy to see that they were both idiots. I wish the DJ had cut in with some sanity.

"SP, Steve, sorry, but I'm going to have to cut you off, because you're both wrong. You have faith in something that cannot be proved or disproved. Both sides have their plus and minus points and by arguing against each other you only serve to undermine yourselves. Also, our readings show that in the past five minutes the average intelligence of our remaining listeners has dropped below chimp level, so we're going to have to end this now."

Sadly I reached my house before the show finished, and never found out whether the DJ intervened before SP and Steve drew blood...

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